The Making of M.O.M.

I don't have a perfect marriage. In fact, my pregnancies take their toll on our marriage. I feel so miserable and pukey-bad for the first 4 - 5 months, love the middle 8 or 9 weeks, then I slip into that slightly-less-comfortable-than-a-beached-whale phase for the last 2 months.

Needless to say, I'm cranky for a lot of the time that I gestate our babies. My sweet husband fills right in where I leave off, taking care of kids, laundry, housework, you name it. But it's hard on him.

By far, this has been the hardest pregnancy for both of us.

Add to that that I'm a woman of many words and my husband is, well, a man of less than many words. Especially when he's thinking about something.

Typically I vomit my words all over him, holding little to nothing back, letting every passing emotion sweep across my lips like a flash flood in a monsoon.

But Luke, he's a thinker. I learned a little trick a few years ago on how to move from being a talker to a listener when I'm with my man. It's invaluable for understanding, hearing and really listening to my husband. (Maybe one day I'll share it with you all, if my husband promises not to act like he knows my secret.)

Anyway, just because my sweet man isn't much on for sharing his thoughts and emotions, doesn't mean they don't exists. Before we got married, I'd only seen him cry one time. He shed a few, tender tears during our wedding ceremony. Then, he cried when he found out his dog had died and when we found out his grandfather was in critical condition, likely to die within a matter of days.

Otherwise, he was cool, calm and collected (unless there's inclement weather, then not-so-much). This life of few words, and even fewer raw emotion was the norm. That was, until we had kids. Now, my man isn't afraid to have or show his emotion. And I love it. I love it so very much.

Even though emotion flows easily for him now, he still isn't one to pour out words. Maybe it's because he can't find the right ones or maybe it's because he likes to really make sure he's sure before he speaks.

I think it's because, in our relationship, I'm words, he's numbers.

Today, I got this email from my thinker husband. It brought me to tears and to my knees to thank my Lord that I have such a man who values our children as much as I do and who sees them as the blessing they are. Glory be, how I love this man of mine.

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From Luke today, via email:

So I find myself crying, sobbing, on the way to work this morning. I would apologize for being a man that cries, but I have learned to embrace these kinds of emotions. “You see Billy cried, because, well, he is a crier.” Through certain circumstances I was able to take my oldest daughter to breakfast this morning. As I am in the car driving, images begin to flash through my mind.

Elizabeth (age 7) being able to get herself completely ready. She took extra time this morning to ‘look nice’ for daddy.
When I get home from breakfast I see Ella, our youngest (age 2), getting out of the shower {I will not give any more details on that point}.
I said “see ya” to my very pregnant wife, carrying our soon to be youngest daughter.

You see, this pregnancy has been different for me. In the past, I have taken the role of caring for the older kids and didn’t stop, nor have much time, to think about our new child on the way. With the kids being older now, things are even busier, but it is easier for all of us to spend time together. With this, I am able to enjoy each child and the beauty of what each one holds.

As I am looking through the windshield I think about my 7 yr old daughter and how she showers me with so much love each and every day. Then I remember how proud my 2 yr old was for me to see her being a ‘big girl’. Then I begin to think of our newest daughter on the way and the moments of joy she will bring me as a father and I don’t even know what they are yet.

All of this brings me to the Throne of God. Humbled he would entrust me to make decisions for these children that will shape there lives. Thankful he would bless me with smiles across a breakfast table, naked babies soaking wet with a huge smile, and to feel my daughter move in the womb. I have such a large responsibility to be a Priest, Profit, Provider, and Protector for my family. God equipped me today.

I guess Luke figures that if I'm not going to blog, he will.

Below is a post he emailed me after a crazy morning yesterday. I sure do love this man of mine.

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We are asked many times how we raise, disciple, and shepherd many small children all at the same time. The true answer is: I feel like we fail about 99% of the time.

So………….. this morning everyone needs to be woken up so they can go to CBS (Community Bible Study). To fulfill the role as the leader of our home I want to encourage the kids and Jessica to go. One of the ways that plays out (in our home) is for me to get the kids started on getting ready to go to CBS.

Well this morning I woke up late (read – I stayed up to late watching meaningless baseball and talking to the TV). So the day is not starting well for this Type A person. I get ready and make it down stairs to work on breakfast. Ashlee and Lucas come down stairs and want toast for breakfast. While this may not seem like a big deal, this turns into making toast for about 15 minutes. As soon as you get one piece ready, they have already eaten the other piece and someone else has found (smelled) their way into the kitchen and now wants a piece. So my first instinct is to not let them have toast. You see, breakfast is normally to throw a bowl of cereal in front of everyone while we comb hair and put shoes on.

Rather than get upset and frustrated (like I wanted to) God gave me the patience to talk to my children. I said to Lucas and Ashlee, “I want to make you toast, but I am going to need your help getting Aaron and Olivia up and dressed.” I turn around and they are gone, helping there brother and sister get ready. By this time Elizabeth is awake. She quickly jumps in and starts making toast, which gives me time to get Ella ready. So I know you are thinking, where is Jessica in all of this? She is in the bathroom being 4 months pregnant on a Thursday morning (read: puking her guts up).

Up to this point I have failed to mention the kids, Jessica, my mother in law, and grandmother in law helped clean up the house last night. This in turn, gives me (Type A) the chance to get kids ready and not step on/over/under/through/matrix – things/toys/clothes/food/who knows what that was. Which in turn helps me to be more patient as the hurricane happens all around.

The underlying thing to all of this is that I have been praying over and concerned how we teach our children to love and serve others. In the eye of the storm that happened. The kids were serving each other and their parents, while their parents were able to serve each other. All with cheerful hearts might I add.

Everyone got to CBS and dad got to work a little bit late. This morning I really enjoyed my large family. While incredibly crazy, I loved every moment of it.