Peacefully Humbled

I cannot thank you all enough for the prayers that you offered up on our behalf. I can say that I felt them throughout the morning.

God is so amazing. 6 months ago I took the twins to their first dental visit for a routine cleaning. At that time I scheduled their next visit, 6 months later. Their visit was this morning at 11am. Why am I telling you this? Because it shows, so perfectly, how God controls all things.

6 months ago it was March 17th. We had just started our foster parent classes and foster care was just something we were looking into. Neither Luke nor I were completely sold on this whole thing. I arbitrarily scheduled their appointment on September 17th, a date with no significance (at least at that time).

God knew then what today would hold. He knew that today would be a day that I needed distractions. God knew I'd need to be busy and busy I was! This morning was consumed with getting people fed, dressed and loaded in the car. Then, I dropped Baby D off at my mom's house and Elizabeth off at Nana's. We made it to the dentist just in time for our appointment.

After 1.5 hours at the dentist, I rushed out of the office and home so that I could make it to the agency review on time.

I had no time to think about the upcoming meeting, except in brief flashes.

It wasn't until Luke and I were in the car, on our way, that the knots in my stomach made themselves known. As Luke drove, we grasped hands and I prayed aloud for God to bring us peace, to give us the words to speak and, most importantly, for His will to be done.

The knots subsided.

As we entered the building where the meeting would take place, I felt assured. I felt calm. I felt peace.

We entered the room and found the social worker, the mediator and the birth parents waiting.

I felt Him. He was there, just as He had said He would be.

As I sat down and watched as birth mom took Baby D in her arms, I felt peace. My heart did not race, I did not get emotional.

As we talked through the case plan, and new information was revealed to us, I felt calm.

Only once did my heart begin to pound, but after a quick pleading with my Lord, I was calmed.

Luke and I asked questions, good ones. We made sure that we understood each and every step that the birth parents would have to make before reunification would occur. We asked about prior criminal charges and discussed current case plan status.

All of it was said with such ease and peace. I have dealt with anxiety for some time now, but God so richly provided this morning. He so blessedly calmed my ever anxious heart.

At the end, the mediator asked Luke and I if we had any further questions or comments. Luke commented that Baby D was growing well and developmentally was on track. Then, it was my turn.

As these words flowed out of my mouth, I know my Creator gave me confidence, peace and clarity. I looked the birth parents in the eye and said,

"I want you to know that it is my deepest desire for you to get your life together and have your child back. It is not my intention to steal your baby. However, if you cannot do what it takes to make your lives right, I will fight tooth and nail to make sure that he does not return to your unsafe environment. I will fight for him because that is what I would do for my 3 birth children, and I do for him just as I do for them. I consider him my son and I love him as such."

As they sat there and stared at me, I felt a wave of peace flow through me. I know those words were of my heart but I still cannot figure out, for the life of me, how God allowed them to come out in complete sentences, without tears and gasps for air in between.

God is good and today, He was there. Thank you so much for all of the prayers. I felt them this entire morning and I am humbled.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
~ Timothy 1:7