I may not have much time, as the kids could wake up any second, but I HAD to tell you how amazing my God is!
First, let me confess...
I haven't REALLY opened my Bible in about 3 weeks. Yes, shocking I know. I mean, I'd picked it up, read a Proverb but not really studied. Trust me, I could tell in my day to day life BIG time. Anyway, my God is so redemptive and so forgiving. When we found out about Baby Girl last night it was almost dinner time. I put the kids' food on the table, strapped everyone in boosters and went to our bedroom and closed the door. I got on my knees and begged God for forgiveness.
Why? Why would He continue to use a woman who had not sought His face in so long? Why? As I type those words, tears flood my eyes.
For the rest of the night, Luke and I wrestled with whether or not to take this newborn Baby Girl. I will go into details later (hopefully) about the whys and why nots, but for now, let me continue about the amazingness of my Father.
Baby D slept so well last night and at 7:00am I woke refreshed from 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep (that in itself could prove God's goodness, but He wasn't done yet). I KNEW that today of all days I could not go without the Word.
I grab some coffee and my Bible and begin with Proverbs 10 (since today is the 10th). After that, I flip to the New Testament, the part of the Bible I understand.
Instead, I think "Ezra."
Now, let me just tell you that I have read the book of Ezra, oh.....NEVER. Why then would God lead me there?
I go to the front of my Bible to find where in the heck Ezra is in the Old Testament. Ezra found, I begin to read. Let me tell you, Ezra is true to Old Testament form in that is it INCREDIBLY hard for me to read. But, I press on.
Something in Chapter 1 flashes in front of me. Then there it is again. In verse 1 then again in verse 5 it references the stirring of hearts. First God stirred the heart of Cyrus, then of the priests and Levites. I knew that feeling, because my heart had been stirred.
I skip past all of the lists in chapter 2 but not before I understand that these lists are a record of the families that returned to Judah from exile. They were counted. At the end of of chapter 2 Ezra talks about what each family is giving to help rebuild the temple. One line jumps off the page, chapter 2 verse 69:
"each leader gave as much as he could"
Last night, as Luke and I discussed the Baby Girl, we asked ourselves "How much can we give?"
Wait! It gets better!
In Chapter 3 the people rejoice over the foundations being laid. Our home has a firm foundation, and I rejoice in Him.
My biggest concern in taking Baby Girl is the new questions that will arise. I don't feel emotionally equipped to deal with the questions and negative remarks from outsiders and family. I just don't think I can handle it again.
However, because my God is so awesome, He knew what I needed this morning. In Chapter 4 they begin to see opposition to the rebuilding. In the margin of my Bible referencing verse 4 it says:
I DO NOT GIVE IN to those who seek to frighten or discourage me from serving the Lord.
Then again in the margin of Chapter 5 referencing verse 5:
I DO NOT STOP working for the Lord, even if others seek to frighten or discourage me.
Really? That clearly, huh God?
(As a side note, if you KNOW our family personally, I encourage you to look up Ezra Chapters 5 & 6 and see why I gained additional encouragement.)
I continue reading through Chapter 6 and I realize that this story is starting to sound familiar. Could it be? Could this wall be the same wall?
Because I clearly do not have the books of the Bible memorized I quickly flip to the end of Ezra. There, I find the final confirmation I needed from my Savior this morning. You see, at the end of Ezra comes another book on rebuilding that same wall. The book of Nehemiah.
Our Pastor, Michael did a sermon series right after we got Baby D. His sermons and the words in the book of Nehemiah were COMPLETE confirmation that we were, in fact, doing a good work and we must not stop.
To you all, this may be jumble and coincidence. However, I don't believe in coincidence.
For me, this morning was complete confirmation that us taking Baby Girl is right. That Baby Girl will bring more work to our family. That Baby Girl will bring less sleep, more bottles, more diapers and more tears.
However, she carries with her the hope of our ministry that we call our home. She brings confirmation that the road that follows Christ is one that is steep, rough and sometimes very, very hard.
But, having faith doesn't mean you bail out when the going gets tough. Instead, you hold on to what you know to be truth. You lean on the One who provides comfort and you open your heart to receive His countless blessings.
You rest in knowing that you can be a total mess up, not open your Bible for weeks, and still have the love and mercy of a Savior who can speak to you through the jumbled pages of a book you've never even read.
First, let me confess...
I haven't REALLY opened my Bible in about 3 weeks. Yes, shocking I know. I mean, I'd picked it up, read a Proverb but not really studied. Trust me, I could tell in my day to day life BIG time. Anyway, my God is so redemptive and so forgiving. When we found out about Baby Girl last night it was almost dinner time. I put the kids' food on the table, strapped everyone in boosters and went to our bedroom and closed the door. I got on my knees and begged God for forgiveness.
Why? Why would He continue to use a woman who had not sought His face in so long? Why? As I type those words, tears flood my eyes.
For the rest of the night, Luke and I wrestled with whether or not to take this newborn Baby Girl. I will go into details later (hopefully) about the whys and why nots, but for now, let me continue about the amazingness of my Father.
Baby D slept so well last night and at 7:00am I woke refreshed from 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep (that in itself could prove God's goodness, but He wasn't done yet). I KNEW that today of all days I could not go without the Word.
I grab some coffee and my Bible and begin with Proverbs 10 (since today is the 10th). After that, I flip to the New Testament, the part of the Bible I understand.
Instead, I think "Ezra."
Now, let me just tell you that I have read the book of Ezra, oh.....NEVER. Why then would God lead me there?
I go to the front of my Bible to find where in the heck Ezra is in the Old Testament. Ezra found, I begin to read. Let me tell you, Ezra is true to Old Testament form in that is it INCREDIBLY hard for me to read. But, I press on.
Something in Chapter 1 flashes in front of me. Then there it is again. In verse 1 then again in verse 5 it references the stirring of hearts. First God stirred the heart of Cyrus, then of the priests and Levites. I knew that feeling, because my heart had been stirred.
I skip past all of the lists in chapter 2 but not before I understand that these lists are a record of the families that returned to Judah from exile. They were counted. At the end of of chapter 2 Ezra talks about what each family is giving to help rebuild the temple. One line jumps off the page, chapter 2 verse 69:
"each leader gave as much as he could"
Last night, as Luke and I discussed the Baby Girl, we asked ourselves "How much can we give?"
Wait! It gets better!
In Chapter 3 the people rejoice over the foundations being laid. Our home has a firm foundation, and I rejoice in Him.
My biggest concern in taking Baby Girl is the new questions that will arise. I don't feel emotionally equipped to deal with the questions and negative remarks from outsiders and family. I just don't think I can handle it again.
However, because my God is so awesome, He knew what I needed this morning. In Chapter 4 they begin to see opposition to the rebuilding. In the margin of my Bible referencing verse 4 it says:
I DO NOT GIVE IN to those who seek to frighten or discourage me from serving the Lord.
Then again in the margin of Chapter 5 referencing verse 5:
I DO NOT STOP working for the Lord, even if others seek to frighten or discourage me.
Really? That clearly, huh God?
(As a side note, if you KNOW our family personally, I encourage you to look up Ezra Chapters 5 & 6 and see why I gained additional encouragement.)
I continue reading through Chapter 6 and I realize that this story is starting to sound familiar. Could it be? Could this wall be the same wall?
Because I clearly do not have the books of the Bible memorized I quickly flip to the end of Ezra. There, I find the final confirmation I needed from my Savior this morning. You see, at the end of Ezra comes another book on rebuilding that same wall. The book of Nehemiah.
Our Pastor, Michael did a sermon series right after we got Baby D. His sermons and the words in the book of Nehemiah were COMPLETE confirmation that we were, in fact, doing a good work and we must not stop.
To you all, this may be jumble and coincidence. However, I don't believe in coincidence.
For me, this morning was complete confirmation that us taking Baby Girl is right. That Baby Girl will bring more work to our family. That Baby Girl will bring less sleep, more bottles, more diapers and more tears.
However, she carries with her the hope of our ministry that we call our home. She brings confirmation that the road that follows Christ is one that is steep, rough and sometimes very, very hard.
But, having faith doesn't mean you bail out when the going gets tough. Instead, you hold on to what you know to be truth. You lean on the One who provides comfort and you open your heart to receive His countless blessings.
You rest in knowing that you can be a total mess up, not open your Bible for weeks, and still have the love and mercy of a Savior who can speak to you through the jumbled pages of a book you've never even read.