Never did I ever

As a Mom there are often things that I say to my children that shock me. Often, it makes logical sense and goes directly with the flow of conversation between myself and either a three or five year old. However, most of these are things that I never, ever thought I'd be saying outloud (or even in my head for that matter).

"What did you just eat off your foot?"

"Please stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about."

"No, you may not eat your food while you go poop."

"Yes, you can put your sword in the refrigerator if it will help you focus on eating your lunch."

"No. We cannot have grass for lunch.....I don't care if that's what elephants eat for lunch, we do not eat grass."

"Please do not put things you pick off of your body into your mouth."

"I think I can wipe myself, thank you......I am a grown up."

"Because I'm a mean mother and I don't let my children eat candy for breakfast."

"No, when the baby gets here you cannot drink breast milk like a baby."

"Because showing someone your penis is not nice."

"We do not eat out of the trash can! Ever. Even if it is laying right on top."

"Please get your finger out of your sister's nose."

"Please do not bite your toenails."

"Because gum that's on the bottom of your shoe is nasty and doesn't need to be chewed."

"No. I will not name the baby Alligator Beaver....Yes, it does sound silly."

"What you just did made Jesus very, very sad....No, I'm sure He is sad and not asleep."

"Please do not lick the toilet."

What are some of the things you never thought you'd say?