Video killed the radio star, or something like that...

Some of you who know me IRL (in real life) may already know this. But whether you know me IRL or only virtually, I have something to tell you.

I can't listen to secular music.

Notice I didn't say I shouldn't, or that I don't want to. It's just that I can't.

It's not because I think that secular music is un-Christian. In fact, I love me some Carrie Underwood (at least her first album after her American Idol win). And, that Apple Bottom song is pretty good too (Plus, Luke will drop-it-like-its-hot to that song. And this youtube clip of that red-headed kid dancing to it just CRACKS me up.).

And just the other night we turned on the radio in our living room and all 7 of us had a super fun dance party. We rocked it out to some Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" and even some new, funky music that I'm sure all the hip teenagers are listening to these days.

So, it's not that I think Christians shouldn't listen to secular music. It's just that I can't.

You see, before I married my husband I made choices about my life that didn't involve God or prayer or guidance from Godly counsel.

Some of those were good choices, like my decision that a wallet with a chain should probably be eliminated from my wardrobe. Yeah, I'm serious.

Some of those were bad choices. Like the choice to give my body to the guys I dated. Choices to live for the moment and not think about my future husband.

In high school, I really believed that I was going to marry the guys I dated. I really believed that if I was going to marry them anyway, why not go ahead and do the things married people do?

In college I enjoyed the good time I had with whoever I could have it with. The thoughts of how it would effect me, my marriage and even my children 10 years later never even occurred to me. I mean, whoever I married would have baggage too, right?

And isn't that what the world leads us to believe? I was watching a late night show the other night and one of the (female) guests said that she thought that people should just have sex before they ever went on their first date. That way, if the sex was bad, they wouldn't waste their time dating. She thought this was an excellent idea for everyone, except her two teenage daughters.

I wonder why her views changed when she thought of her own children? Perhaps she too knows why I can't listen to secular music.

For me scanning the radio dial is dangerous territory. Since it's been quite a while since I've listened to anything other than my iPod or Christian radio, I know very few new songs. So you'd think that the general radio would be safe, huh?

Notsomuch.

You see, it wasn't too long ago that I thought I could give the radio a try. I turned it on to our local New Music station and began listening. The first few songs were okay.

Then it happened. They played an oldie-but-goodie.

At first I was like, "Oh! I like this song!" But then, I remembered. I remember who he was and how I felt about him. I remembered what he smelled like and how I gave myself to him.

He was not husband. Thoughts and memories came back to me that I had thought I had forgotten. I snap back to reality when one of my children calls for me from the back of the van. The rest of the day I spend fighting off thoughts of him and what we did.

I'm totally serious. It's that bad and it doesn't bring blessings and warm fuzzies to my marriage.

I do have fond memories too that are evoked by songs. Sweet Home Alabama will always make me giggle and want to stand on a chair (500 points to the first person who knows why and can say so TACTFULLY in the comment section). Brown Eyed Girl will never be sung the same and will always have my sorority's twist on it. And the Dixie Chicks' first album will forever remind me of my first semester in college and the freedom I felt being on my own. Plus, Salt-n-Peppa will forever make me wanna Shoop.

So maybe it's dramatic for me to seclude my self from the secular music world. I'm sure there are many other secular songs that would evoke fond memories of my past. But in all honesty, it just too dangerous.

Why would I risk having a mental affair with someone I should have never been involved with in the first place? Why would I want to risk lowering my husband in my eyes because of a "good" memory (that is probably skewed) with another man?

I can't find a single reason why. Hopefully, your past is less tainted than mine. Hopefully the radio doesn't send you into a tailspin of emotion from years past.

But for me, my past killed my ability to freely listen to the radio. It has killed my ability to be hip and cool and know the newest Black Eyed Peas song. But I'm guessing that even if I knew the lyrics, I wouldn't be that cool anyway.