Wow. Das Not Funny! Friday again already? Guess that means if you're here you want some funny stories about things my family said or did. I'm sure that if you're here for a laugh, one of the following will surely not disappoint you.
It's two weeks' worth of funnies, so hold on tight and make sure your bladder is somewhat empty.
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The big kids are all into playing Mommy/Daddy/Child anything. Sometimes, it's just regular 'ol pretend play where Lucas is the Daddy, Elizabeth is the Mommy and Ashlee is the little girl. Other times it takes on a different spin where they are all horsies or dogs or kitty cats and they are a Mommy/Daddy/Daughter combo.
One afternoon Ashlee comes into the living room and says to me,
"Mommy, 'retend I am da Mommy and I'm weal-we sad and you gots to make me happy."
Since I wasn't really paying attention, I said,
"Oh Ashlee! I'm sorry you're sad. Please be happy..."
"No Mommy!" she corrected. "I'm a Mommy and I'z sad. Make me happy."
So, I speak to her a little differently, "Oh Mommy! Why are you so sad? Don't cry Mommy!"
She replies, "I'z a sad Mommy because someone killed me."
I look at her, puzzled and say, "Killed you? But you're standing right here talking to me. How are you dead and still talking?"
After looking at me like I'm insane, she replies "I need kisses. Kisses make Mommies feel better."
Yes they do sweetheart.
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On Monday, I went and picked up our new (to us) BIG van. (Which still needs a name, by the way, so if you're game for naming a silver, 15 passenger van leave a comment.)
That evening as I was preparing to leave for Bible Study, Luke and the kids were all sitting around the table talking about their evening plans while "Mommy was out."
Lucas asked if they could go out and play in the big van and Luke said that he thought that would be fun. Immediately screams and screeches followed.
"I wanna go play in the big van too Daddy!" Elizabeth squealed.
"Yeah! We can climb in it! I wanna go too Dad!" Lucas yells.
Then, Ashlee chimed in with, "Oooooo! I wanna go! I wanna go!"
(insert pause)
"Where are we going?"
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One morning recently the big kids were all playing their hand held V-Smiles. As Elizabeth stepped over Ashlee (who was sitting on the floor of our bedroom) Ashlee reached up and pinched Elizabeth right on the booty.
Naturally, Elizabeth did not enjoy her personal space being violated and Ashlee and I busted out laughing.
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On Wednesday I had an OB appointment. Elizabeth tagged along. As we are sitting in the waiting room, she leans over to me and whispers,
"Mom. Come close I need to tell you a secret."
I lean in and offer her my ear.
"Mom," she continues, "your boobies are really a lot smaller than your belly."
Yes, thank you, I know.
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We were putting together a puzzle of the human body last night. When we finished, Luke and I took turns reading the different descriptions of the body from the puzzle. After I read about the heart, I asked the big kids if they remembered what we had previously discussed about the size of the heart.
"Guys," I ask, "do you remember what Mommy told you about how big your heart is? It's like what?" After some prompting, Elizabeth remembered that I had told them that their heart is about the size of their fist.
So I ask, "Elizabeth, about how big is your heart?" She holds up her fist.
"Lucas, how big is your heart?" He holds up his fist.
"Ashlee, how big is your heart?" She proceeds to spread her arms as far apart as she can reach.
And, I happen to agree with her.
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And finally, I saved the BEST for last....
Elizabeth has always breastfed her baby dolls. So, when I looked over at her during lunch one day this week and saw a baby shoved up her shirt, I knew exactly what she was doing.
But then I see Lucas, who also has a baby shoved up his shirt.
"Lucas, Buddy, what are you doing?" I ask, already knowing the answer.
He responds with, "I'm feedin' my baby with my boobies."
"That's sweet Buddy," I reply, "but you know Daddies don't have milk in their boobies to feed their babies, only Mommies."
As scowl creeps across his face as his eyes dart over to his sisters.
"YOU GUYS TEASD-ED ME!" he yells.
And that's when I learned the importance of an empty bladder when you belly laugh at 34 weeks pregnant.
Y'all have a great weekend!