If you've not yet read Part 1 (and the comments - which were superb) then do that first.
I've heard every single one of these in the last 2 months:
"Why in the world would you want to have another one?"
"Was it planned?"
"You do know how it happens, right?"
"What are you thinking?"
"Better you than me!"
"Oh! I could never do that. More power to ya!"
"Do you just love being pregnant or something?"
"What do your other kids think? Are they jealous?"
"OH.MY.GOD. Seriously?"
"Are you just going to tell the doctor to give you a hysterectomy after this one?"
"So this is it, right? Y'all are done now?"
And those are just a handful of the negative responses I've heard since it's become public that we're expecting baby # 7.
There have been a lot of positive comments too, though. Luke and I took all 6 kids to the farmer's market on Saturday. As we sat and ate dinner in the resturant, a sweet gentleman came over, shook Luke's had and said, "I have 6 kids, all grown now. Had them all within 10 years. I remember those days. God bless y'all."
But those interactions are few and far between and I must admit that the negative ones sting quite a bit and linger more so than the positive ones.
And the shocking part of all of it, for me anyway, is that most of these negative and or slighted comments come from other believers. Christians, who are suppose to know and understand the Bible. Folks who should know all those verses that say children are a blessing, a reward, a gift!
After reading many of your comments and an email from a dear friend, I want to say this:
Having lots of kids doesn't make me more Godly than any other mother who may or may not have a handful of kids, 1 or 2 kids or no kids at all.
Someone living in obedience to God's desires for their life is what makes someone Godly.
Not for one split second do I think that because we homeschool, because we have lots of kids or because we are being called to the mission field that we are closer to God, more God-minded or that we have a more direct line to heaven.
Jesus is the direct line. There's nothing special about us. There's truckloads of special about Jesus.
With all of that said, here's what I've resolved in this tiny little, barely functioning brain that I have.
Children have the capacity to bring out the worst in people. Especially if they're your own children.
It's true. I act and do things in front of my kids that I would never do in front of other people. I yell at them, say things that I wish I hadn't said, think horrible thoughts and wish, somedays beyond all things wishable, that they would just stop needing me.
I use the bathroom in front of them, let them see me naked, unshowered and smelly. They don't care if we have PB & Js for dinner, two nights in a row.
Our culture knows that real parenting requires less of your own wants and a more self-less lifestyle, one that most of us (myself included) don't desire to live.
This, I think, this is why people cannot fathom why we'd want to have 7 children.
Why would we keep adding to our already weighty load? Don't we know that when they're big enough to send to school we get our lives back? (heh. yeah. right.)
As a culture, I believe that we do not adequately value children. We see them as a cultural norm. You find a spouse, get married and have babies because, well, that's what people do. (And yes, I know not all women/couples desire to have kids. I'm just speaking of the norms.)
As a sweet friend of mine said this in an email she sent me,
"You know we all fill up our time to the brim with stuff--we all do. We all have our hands full of something..."
Mercy is she ever right. Some people fill up their time with community service. Some with work. Some with school. Some with less than Biblical activities like drunkenness or sexual immorality.
Just like my sweet friend said, "we all have our hands full of something." I guess I just wonder why of all the things to have your hands full of, motherhood seems to take the heat more than any other thing. Maybe it's because motherhood is often so visible.
I mean, it's hard to hide six kids. ;)
I hardly ever hear anyone telling someone who works 50+ hours a week, "Boy you sure have you hand full! Don't you know why that happens? Please tell me you'll never work that many hours again!"
And while we validate work, or community service or even a regular 'ol busy lifestyle, we often devalue and criticize a family with more than 2.5 children.
In fact, I have many more thoughts on the things people say about children in front of their own children. But, I think that's going to be another post for itself.
So, what do you think, now that you've had some time to mull it over? Do you think we are a culture that embraces children, values them and treasures them? Or are we simply a culture that tolerates them?
And how can we be the face of change if your opinion is the latter?
I've heard every single one of these in the last 2 months:
"Why in the world would you want to have another one?"
"Was it planned?"
"You do know how it happens, right?"
"What are you thinking?"
"Better you than me!"
"Oh! I could never do that. More power to ya!"
"Do you just love being pregnant or something?"
"What do your other kids think? Are they jealous?"
"OH.MY.GOD. Seriously?"
"Are you just going to tell the doctor to give you a hysterectomy after this one?"
"So this is it, right? Y'all are done now?"
And those are just a handful of the negative responses I've heard since it's become public that we're expecting baby # 7.
There have been a lot of positive comments too, though. Luke and I took all 6 kids to the farmer's market on Saturday. As we sat and ate dinner in the resturant, a sweet gentleman came over, shook Luke's had and said, "I have 6 kids, all grown now. Had them all within 10 years. I remember those days. God bless y'all."
But those interactions are few and far between and I must admit that the negative ones sting quite a bit and linger more so than the positive ones.
And the shocking part of all of it, for me anyway, is that most of these negative and or slighted comments come from other believers. Christians, who are suppose to know and understand the Bible. Folks who should know all those verses that say children are a blessing, a reward, a gift!
After reading many of your comments and an email from a dear friend, I want to say this:
Having lots of kids doesn't make me more Godly than any other mother who may or may not have a handful of kids, 1 or 2 kids or no kids at all.
Someone living in obedience to God's desires for their life is what makes someone Godly.
Not for one split second do I think that because we homeschool, because we have lots of kids or because we are being called to the mission field that we are closer to God, more God-minded or that we have a more direct line to heaven.
Jesus is the direct line. There's nothing special about us. There's truckloads of special about Jesus.
With all of that said, here's what I've resolved in this tiny little, barely functioning brain that I have.
Children have the capacity to bring out the worst in people. Especially if they're your own children.
It's true. I act and do things in front of my kids that I would never do in front of other people. I yell at them, say things that I wish I hadn't said, think horrible thoughts and wish, somedays beyond all things wishable, that they would just stop needing me.
I use the bathroom in front of them, let them see me naked, unshowered and smelly. They don't care if we have PB & Js for dinner, two nights in a row.
Our culture knows that real parenting requires less of your own wants and a more self-less lifestyle, one that most of us (myself included) don't desire to live.
This, I think, this is why people cannot fathom why we'd want to have 7 children.
Why would we keep adding to our already weighty load? Don't we know that when they're big enough to send to school we get our lives back? (heh. yeah. right.)
As a culture, I believe that we do not adequately value children. We see them as a cultural norm. You find a spouse, get married and have babies because, well, that's what people do. (And yes, I know not all women/couples desire to have kids. I'm just speaking of the norms.)
As a sweet friend of mine said this in an email she sent me,
"You know we all fill up our time to the brim with stuff--we all do. We all have our hands full of something..."
Mercy is she ever right. Some people fill up their time with community service. Some with work. Some with school. Some with less than Biblical activities like drunkenness or sexual immorality.
Just like my sweet friend said, "we all have our hands full of something." I guess I just wonder why of all the things to have your hands full of, motherhood seems to take the heat more than any other thing. Maybe it's because motherhood is often so visible.
I mean, it's hard to hide six kids. ;)
I hardly ever hear anyone telling someone who works 50+ hours a week, "Boy you sure have you hand full! Don't you know why that happens? Please tell me you'll never work that many hours again!"
And while we validate work, or community service or even a regular 'ol busy lifestyle, we often devalue and criticize a family with more than 2.5 children.
In fact, I have many more thoughts on the things people say about children in front of their own children. But, I think that's going to be another post for itself.
So, what do you think, now that you've had some time to mull it over? Do you think we are a culture that embraces children, values them and treasures them? Or are we simply a culture that tolerates them?
And how can we be the face of change if your opinion is the latter?