Read these first:
Part 1
Part 2
Luke and I start "talking" decided that we are going to take it slow. The NEXT DAY he rides with me back to Jonesboro (my hometown about 1 hour away) and meets my dad. The purpose of the trip was not for him to meet my dad but because it was my little sister's birthday and I was heading home anyway. He accompanied me on my trip.
We were almost back to school when he reaches over and turns off the radio. I'm driving, and he turns and looks at me and says,
"I gotta tell you something, and it may be a deal breaker."
I already knew what he was going to say (small college, remember?), but instead I say,
"Okay..."
"My ex-girlfriend is pregnant" he says, looking out the window, "and it's my baby."
I wish I could say that I had some remarkable reply, but I didn't. All I could muster out was,
"I know."
We drove for a little while in silence. Finally, I said something like,
"You know, we can just see how this goes. I'm not ready for anything serious either."
I don't know who was more relieved, him or me. It must have been on his mind all day because I know I was wondering if he was ever going to bring it up.
Over the next month we dated. That crap about not becoming serious flew out the window and it wasn't until I walked into my room early one December morning that I realized just how much I cared about Luke.
I had spent the night with some of my girlfriends, in their apartment. When I got back to my room early the next morning, I found a note. It said,
"Gone to Memphis. I'm going to be a DADDY! - Luke"
I stood there, in shock, with this note in my hand. I felt hot tears streaming down my cheeks. I crumpled up the note and threw it across the room. I couldn't believe this was really happening. I mean, I knew she was pregnant, but I guess somehow, I didn't see this day coming.
That night was my sorority's semi-formal. Two of Luke's roommates and best friends filled in as my dates in his absence. I thought I could go and drink away the pain I was feeling. Instead, I had a horrible time. I smiled for the cameras, danced and downed anything liquid that was handed to me. However, on the inside I was falling apart.
She had won. She had him. They were forever bound together by this child.
When Luke returned to Lyon he was a new person and our relationship was not the same. We still dated, but now he had this woman that he was in constant contact with. He would call her and ask about the baby and he actually cared. Why couldn't he just be a normal college guy and give up on this girl?
I will never forget the first time I realized that he really cared about her. We were sitting in his apartment and for whatever reason he said,
"Well, I'm gonna go call [First name, Middle name]."
What?!!?
You're gonna call her while I'm here? You are referring to her in an affectionate way, by calling her by her full name?
As he walked into his bedroom, I heard the door click shut. I heard his muffled voice speaking to her. I realized that this was more than I could handle.
Throughout the rest of the Fall and Spring the relationship that Luke and I had would crumble. He'd go to Memphis to see her, I'd cheat on him by kissing another guy. He'd be on the phone with her and I would not speak to him for days. He would talk about her or the baby to another person and I would avoid him the entire week, spending time with other guys in an attempt to make him jealous.
I checked his phone messages and deleted any that were from her. I rummaged through his room when he was gone for baseball trips. Anything that was from her I would comb through, reading every letter, every card and looking at every picture. With each word, each picture and each message the anger inside me welled up.
I was hurt, hurt beyond repair. Finally, I decided I'd had enough. I told Luke we needed to break up. I told him that this was too much for me to handle and I could no longer put myself in this situation.
Even typing about it now, some of those emotions resurface. That "pit of your stomach" hurt, that feeling of sadness. It was all too much for me. We broke up, but because it was a small campus we saw each other...a lot.
I still cared about him immensely, but I knew I could not deal with this other woman. Spring semester ended and I went back to Jonesboro and Luke headed back to Memphis. I was crushed, but I figured it was just another failed relationship.
I will never forget where I stood when I heard my cell phone chirping in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw Luke's name on the screen. I took a deep breath and answered. It would be the call that would change our relationship, the call that would give me hope.
For me it was the call that would mean a fresh beginning. For Luke, the call was the most heart-breaking one he'd ever have to make.
Part 1
Part 2
Luke and I start "talking" decided that we are going to take it slow. The NEXT DAY he rides with me back to Jonesboro (my hometown about 1 hour away) and meets my dad. The purpose of the trip was not for him to meet my dad but because it was my little sister's birthday and I was heading home anyway. He accompanied me on my trip.
We were almost back to school when he reaches over and turns off the radio. I'm driving, and he turns and looks at me and says,
"I gotta tell you something, and it may be a deal breaker."
I already knew what he was going to say (small college, remember?), but instead I say,
"Okay..."
"My ex-girlfriend is pregnant" he says, looking out the window, "and it's my baby."
I wish I could say that I had some remarkable reply, but I didn't. All I could muster out was,
"I know."
We drove for a little while in silence. Finally, I said something like,
"You know, we can just see how this goes. I'm not ready for anything serious either."
I don't know who was more relieved, him or me. It must have been on his mind all day because I know I was wondering if he was ever going to bring it up.
Over the next month we dated. That crap about not becoming serious flew out the window and it wasn't until I walked into my room early one December morning that I realized just how much I cared about Luke.
I had spent the night with some of my girlfriends, in their apartment. When I got back to my room early the next morning, I found a note. It said,
"Gone to Memphis. I'm going to be a DADDY! - Luke"
I stood there, in shock, with this note in my hand. I felt hot tears streaming down my cheeks. I crumpled up the note and threw it across the room. I couldn't believe this was really happening. I mean, I knew she was pregnant, but I guess somehow, I didn't see this day coming.
That night was my sorority's semi-formal. Two of Luke's roommates and best friends filled in as my dates in his absence. I thought I could go and drink away the pain I was feeling. Instead, I had a horrible time. I smiled for the cameras, danced and downed anything liquid that was handed to me. However, on the inside I was falling apart.
She had won. She had him. They were forever bound together by this child.
When Luke returned to Lyon he was a new person and our relationship was not the same. We still dated, but now he had this woman that he was in constant contact with. He would call her and ask about the baby and he actually cared. Why couldn't he just be a normal college guy and give up on this girl?
I will never forget the first time I realized that he really cared about her. We were sitting in his apartment and for whatever reason he said,
"Well, I'm gonna go call [First name, Middle name]."
What?!!?
You're gonna call her while I'm here? You are referring to her in an affectionate way, by calling her by her full name?
As he walked into his bedroom, I heard the door click shut. I heard his muffled voice speaking to her. I realized that this was more than I could handle.
Throughout the rest of the Fall and Spring the relationship that Luke and I had would crumble. He'd go to Memphis to see her, I'd cheat on him by kissing another guy. He'd be on the phone with her and I would not speak to him for days. He would talk about her or the baby to another person and I would avoid him the entire week, spending time with other guys in an attempt to make him jealous.
I checked his phone messages and deleted any that were from her. I rummaged through his room when he was gone for baseball trips. Anything that was from her I would comb through, reading every letter, every card and looking at every picture. With each word, each picture and each message the anger inside me welled up.
I was hurt, hurt beyond repair. Finally, I decided I'd had enough. I told Luke we needed to break up. I told him that this was too much for me to handle and I could no longer put myself in this situation.
Even typing about it now, some of those emotions resurface. That "pit of your stomach" hurt, that feeling of sadness. It was all too much for me. We broke up, but because it was a small campus we saw each other...a lot.
I still cared about him immensely, but I knew I could not deal with this other woman. Spring semester ended and I went back to Jonesboro and Luke headed back to Memphis. I was crushed, but I figured it was just another failed relationship.
I will never forget where I stood when I heard my cell phone chirping in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw Luke's name on the screen. I took a deep breath and answered. It would be the call that would change our relationship, the call that would give me hope.
For me it was the call that would mean a fresh beginning. For Luke, the call was the most heart-breaking one he'd ever have to make.