Read these first:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Wow, you people are pushy. I'm writing this on Friday, but scheduling it to post on Saturday. Now, reach back, take hold and get your undies out of a bunch. ;-)
On with the story...
"Hello?" I said, trying to make my voice stop trembling.
"Hey, it's me. She's not mine." His voice sounded hurt, it was the first time I ever knew of him crying.
"What?" I asked for clarification.
"The baby, she's not mine," he repeated.
Everyone we hung out with had already assumed this because the baby looked bi-racial. However, out of everyone that was around Luke, no one wanted to be the one to say it. I had suspected this for a while now, but how do you tell your boyfriend that you don't think his baby is really his baby? Especially when he so obviously cares about her and her mother.
"I need to see you," he said as his voice continued to quiver.
My heart began to pound. I needed to see him too.
That afternoon he drove the 60 miles to Jonesboro from Memphis. We drove out to the county park so that we could just spend time together. Standing there, not really talking about anything, but wanting to talk about everything, my heart ached for him.
I knew that this new information meant that he and I actually had a shot, but the pain I knew was racing through his heart made my heart break for him. If I ever had to describe Luke in just one word it would have to be, loyal.
As we stood on the shoreline of the small lake, each of us searching for a good skipping rock, I glanced down at him. He was about 50 feet away from me, lost in his thoughts.
"Why do I care so much?" My mind was asking more questions than I could process. Suddenly the answer rushed in.
"You care because you love him."
That day I realized that I loved this man. I had no reason to love him, and I had every reason to walk away. However, that day I understood that love is something that your heart initiates, but your mind chooses to continue. My heart initiated the love for Luke, from then on loving him was a choice I would make.
Knowing what I know now about God and His ways, I can see that it wasn't me talking to myself, but God whispering in my ear.
Luke's continued loyalty manifested itself in every aspect of our relationship then, and continues to be something that makes me fall in love with him over and over again. For serious, if you look up "Loyalty" in the dictionary, it probably has Luke's picture beside it.
Because Luke believed (and still believes) so strongly in commitments, he had NEVER said "I love you" to ANY woman other than his mother. I knew this about him early on and it was something I respected. In fact, in one of our early conversations he told me,
"I plan on only saying 'I love you' to the woman I will spend the rest of my life with. Until I know for sure that she is the one, I will not say it to any girl I date."
Once more, loyalty. Loyalty to his future bride. The only problem was I knew I loved him. Did he know he loved me back? There was only one way to find out.
Before he left that evening, we stood outside of his car still only making small talk. Finally, as I leaned in to kiss him goodnight, I could contain myself no longer.
"I know you probably won't say this back, but....I love you."
He stood there and stared at me. I searched his face hoping to find something to confirm his feelings for me.
Finally, he said, "Thank you. That means a lot to me."
The funny thing is, it wasn't like how you see it in movies where the girl gets hurt and the guys is trying to avoid commitment and be a jerk. He really did mean it. He really was thankful.
After that day, Luke drove back to Memphis and I went to North Carolina for the summer, just like I had every summer since I was 14. We talked on the phone and he even made a trip over to see me. Things were going well and I was continuing to fall for him, harder and harder.
However, Luke still maintained ties with the baby and her mother. Somehow, he felt obligated to continue to care for both of them. As fall quickly approached, it would be Luke's Senior year and my Junior year in college. This would be the year that would test us the most. As he and I grew closer and he continued to see and talk to her, it would put a strain on everything I knew to be true in our relationship. Loving him truly became a choice. And just like with every choice, sometimes you often wonder if you made the right one.
Summer 2000, Luke's 1st trip to North Carolina
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Wow, you people are pushy. I'm writing this on Friday, but scheduling it to post on Saturday. Now, reach back, take hold and get your undies out of a bunch. ;-)
On with the story...
"Hello?" I said, trying to make my voice stop trembling.
"Hey, it's me. She's not mine." His voice sounded hurt, it was the first time I ever knew of him crying.
"What?" I asked for clarification.
"The baby, she's not mine," he repeated.
Everyone we hung out with had already assumed this because the baby looked bi-racial. However, out of everyone that was around Luke, no one wanted to be the one to say it. I had suspected this for a while now, but how do you tell your boyfriend that you don't think his baby is really his baby? Especially when he so obviously cares about her and her mother.
"I need to see you," he said as his voice continued to quiver.
My heart began to pound. I needed to see him too.
That afternoon he drove the 60 miles to Jonesboro from Memphis. We drove out to the county park so that we could just spend time together. Standing there, not really talking about anything, but wanting to talk about everything, my heart ached for him.
I knew that this new information meant that he and I actually had a shot, but the pain I knew was racing through his heart made my heart break for him. If I ever had to describe Luke in just one word it would have to be, loyal.
As we stood on the shoreline of the small lake, each of us searching for a good skipping rock, I glanced down at him. He was about 50 feet away from me, lost in his thoughts.
"Why do I care so much?" My mind was asking more questions than I could process. Suddenly the answer rushed in.
"You care because you love him."
That day I realized that I loved this man. I had no reason to love him, and I had every reason to walk away. However, that day I understood that love is something that your heart initiates, but your mind chooses to continue. My heart initiated the love for Luke, from then on loving him was a choice I would make.
Knowing what I know now about God and His ways, I can see that it wasn't me talking to myself, but God whispering in my ear.
Luke's continued loyalty manifested itself in every aspect of our relationship then, and continues to be something that makes me fall in love with him over and over again. For serious, if you look up "Loyalty" in the dictionary, it probably has Luke's picture beside it.
Because Luke believed (and still believes) so strongly in commitments, he had NEVER said "I love you" to ANY woman other than his mother. I knew this about him early on and it was something I respected. In fact, in one of our early conversations he told me,
"I plan on only saying 'I love you' to the woman I will spend the rest of my life with. Until I know for sure that she is the one, I will not say it to any girl I date."
Once more, loyalty. Loyalty to his future bride. The only problem was I knew I loved him. Did he know he loved me back? There was only one way to find out.
Before he left that evening, we stood outside of his car still only making small talk. Finally, as I leaned in to kiss him goodnight, I could contain myself no longer.
"I know you probably won't say this back, but....I love you."
He stood there and stared at me. I searched his face hoping to find something to confirm his feelings for me.
Finally, he said, "Thank you. That means a lot to me."
The funny thing is, it wasn't like how you see it in movies where the girl gets hurt and the guys is trying to avoid commitment and be a jerk. He really did mean it. He really was thankful.
After that day, Luke drove back to Memphis and I went to North Carolina for the summer, just like I had every summer since I was 14. We talked on the phone and he even made a trip over to see me. Things were going well and I was continuing to fall for him, harder and harder.
However, Luke still maintained ties with the baby and her mother. Somehow, he felt obligated to continue to care for both of them. As fall quickly approached, it would be Luke's Senior year and my Junior year in college. This would be the year that would test us the most. As he and I grew closer and he continued to see and talk to her, it would put a strain on everything I knew to be true in our relationship. Loving him truly became a choice. And just like with every choice, sometimes you often wonder if you made the right one.
Summer 2000, Luke's 1st trip to North Carolina