One year

One year ago today we were homeowners, without our home even listed for sale.

One year ago today I was still in basking in the new knowledge that a baby was growing inside me.

One year ago today we felt burdened for missions but sat confused on how God would work it all out with a baby on the way.

One year ago today I lost my step-mom unexpectedly. And my sister lost her mother.

One year ago today I knew less about God.

One year ago today I didn't know the things I know today.

One year ago I was so caught up in today that I forgot that a year from now my life might look totally different. And, I still struggle to remember this.

One year from today I pray that my life is closer to being fully consecrated to a mighty God.

One year from today I pray that I will be that much more in love with my Savior.

One year from today I will look back and remember all that God has done for us and stand in awe, just as I do today.

One year from today God will remind me that He is in the details and on the mountain tops, He's in the valleys and in the major decisions.

One year from today I pray my Bible is a little more worn, my heart is a little more full of His words and my sin is a little further removed from my day to day.

One year from today will be marvelous. I just know it.

HIM

I think of a million excuses. I have a to-do list a mile long, that must get done instead. I count Sunday morning worship, Tuesday morning Bible Study group and Wednesday nights with the youth. I tell myself that my nap time was used for resting in Him.

Those are lies. Real relationships take work. Love relationships require efforts of great magnitude. Intimacy is necessary.

I expect Him to speak but I never stop and listen. I pray for guidance and discernment without cultivating the bond. I seek wisdom, honor and value, but ignore the essential Truth. My heart screams with questions, when the answers have already been written.

I toss ideas around in my head wondering if the Spirit is prompting, knowing if it were Him, He'd be more clear because that's His character.

I remember prior pain and hope the scars have healed, forgetting how He washed them clean with His own hands.

Anxiety tortures my mind, keeping me awake. I ask Him why. He makes it clear that He's waiting for me to lay it at His feet.

He sits and waits as I walk right by, promising to catch up later, committing to Him my left-overs, my tired mind, my weary heart. I vow to make our time priority, often breaking my promise.

He always keeps His promises. He's always faithful. He's always true, He's always good. He always has time for me. He never keeps me waiting, especially when I need Him most. He's WAY busier than I'll ever be.

The problem with my relationship with God is ME.