It's becoming real.
We are really going on the mission field.
To Africa.
And the truth is, that lately, I've asked God, "Are you SURE?" about 7,493 times. Each time He's assured me that each step we are taking is within His desires for us.
I want to share with you something I wrote, nearly two years ago, on February 24, 2009. This is the 4th in a series of posts I'm publishing from a private blog where Luke and I have journaled our calling to Africa.
The others are titled:
From the Darkness (This isn't from the private blog but is the introductory post leading into the others.)
The Initial Cry
He is calling, just like before
And while I could never fully summarize every single reason we feel called, these old posts that I'm publishing are the highlights. Below is certainly one of the bigger confirmations that God revealed to me. I've only modified it slightly, so that it makes sense to you. I'd also like to add that I am grateful to the Father for now giving me a hunger for His word, even when we are not in the midst of a trial.
Thank you for taking this journey with us.
-------
Originally posted on February 24, 2009 on our private blog:
I really stink at remembering scripture. Generally I can remember roughly what the verse says, but never, ever (or very, very rarely) can I remember the reference (book, chapter, verse). Let's just say that Bible Gateway is my hero.
This is not the case for Isaiah 6:8. Back in November of 2007, we were still getting settled into our new house. I had felt the stir for more children for a few months, but I was NOT all about getting pregnant again. Puke was not appealing to me, especially with 3 kids 3 and under. One night, Luke turns to me and says,
"You still think about doing foster care?"
I looked at him in disbelief. We had discussed this almost a year earlier, but when Luke quickly nixed it, I all but forgot about it. Where was this coming from?
The next day I called our county's Department of Social Services and asked for some information on foster parenting. Then, I dove into my Bible. You see, I have this major, major flaw. I usually ONLY stay consistent in the word when I'm having a crisis of belief in my life. In January 2007 I grew and grew and grew spiritually because I wanted desperately to sell our old house, but I knew it needed to be God (and Luke) led. Now, here I was faced with another crisis, the decision to foster.
As I dove through the word, soaking up everything the Lord was showing me, I began to feel that familiar pull. Missions.
At the same time we were becoming closer with some friends. Our bond with them grew as did their call to missions. Just as we began to form a serious kinship, they pulled us into the basement of our home one night and revealed to us their calling to missions, specifically Kenya. Chris outlined every reason why they felt led to go and I wept, knowing that good friends were moving so far away and also for the tremendous display of obedience I knew I was about to witness.
That night solidified for Luke and I our calling to foster. We knew, without hesitation, that God used them to teach us about obedience. We proceeded with fostering, certain that our obedience to God would be blessed.
Sometime during our initial decision making about whether or not to foster, I felt drawn to the book of Isaiah. Never, ever had I read Isaiah (other than as a cross reference). Desperate to find 3 types of confirmation (Godly Counsel, Scripture and Prayer), I began to look at scripture with fresh eyes.
One night I felt the Lord saying, "Go. Start with Chapter 1 and read until you see it." So, I did. I began in Isaiah Chapter 1 read and read and read, not really understanding much, but desiring to find that one piece of scripture that made it all make sense. Suddenly, I started to feel pulled. Only it was a duel tract, with one branch taking us to fostering and the other to the mission field.
Then, I saw it. Isaiah 6:8,
I sat back in the bed and wept. I knew that we were being called to foster. Who else would go? However, something about this also SCREAMED missions. Foreign missions. The thought of going onto the mission field scared the bejebbers out of me, so I pushed it out of my mind and applied this verse solely to fostering. I knew in the back of my mind this was not the point God was making. But, you see, I'm one track minded like that. Why would He pull us two ways?
Surely missions was Chris and Lindy's area. Here I am Lord. I'll foster. But send Chris and Lindy.
Only a few days later, as we entered church on Sunday, God decided to get up in my business in a big way. We were running late, as usual, and as we walked into the back of the Multi-Purpose Building, where our church has our service, the lights were low and there were people lining the stage.
A spot light was on a single woman, and as the door behind me clicked shut I heard her say,
"God, I know you want me to go on that mission trip but that's not really my thing. And I'm scared. My sister Jane loves missions. You should send her. Here I am Lord. Send my sister."
The spotlight illuminated another person, a teenager I think, and he said,
"God, I know you want me to befriend that kid in my class. But he's weird God and no one really likes him. Plus, I have friends already. My friend Tim is really good at reaching out to people God. He should do it. Here I am Lord. Send Tim."
Person after person stood and gave an example of the Lord working on their heart. Whether it was to minister to a friend, go on a mission trip, be bold in their workplace or move in some area that they felt God calling. Then, at the end, they would close by saying,
"Here I am Lord. Send 'So-and-so'."
As I stood there, behind the crowd of people in the dark, tears rushed to my eyes and flooded my cheeks. I held back sobs and I felt conviction like never before. You see, this was EXACTLY what I had felt only days earlier. As I felt the pull to missions, I pushed it from my mind and said,
"Lord, Chris and Lindy are going. Send them."
I don't want you to think that I felt any less called to begin fostering because such is not the case. I know, without hesitation, that the Lord called Luke and I to fostering without wavering. However, He also began to stir in me another calling. A calling to a new place, when our first mission was complete. A mission that I am still trying to understand and one that He has been pointing to for years.
To use an excellent example from a friend, I have been Moses. A bush has been burning for quite some time, yet I have failed to see it or allow it to have my full attention. Well, my attention is here. I am seeing so clearly that these stories and stirrings in my heart are not random or misaligned. I'm scared. I'm anxious. I'm fearful. However, I know that when my Savior calls, I must obey. A life without obedience is a life not worth living. So it is with this fear, anxiety and fright that I boldly say,
"Here I am Lord. Send me."
We are really going on the mission field.
To Africa.
And the truth is, that lately, I've asked God, "Are you SURE?" about 7,493 times. Each time He's assured me that each step we are taking is within His desires for us.
I want to share with you something I wrote, nearly two years ago, on February 24, 2009. This is the 4th in a series of posts I'm publishing from a private blog where Luke and I have journaled our calling to Africa.
The others are titled:
From the Darkness (This isn't from the private blog but is the introductory post leading into the others.)
The Initial Cry
He is calling, just like before
And while I could never fully summarize every single reason we feel called, these old posts that I'm publishing are the highlights. Below is certainly one of the bigger confirmations that God revealed to me. I've only modified it slightly, so that it makes sense to you. I'd also like to add that I am grateful to the Father for now giving me a hunger for His word, even when we are not in the midst of a trial.
Thank you for taking this journey with us.
-------
Originally posted on February 24, 2009 on our private blog:
I really stink at remembering scripture. Generally I can remember roughly what the verse says, but never, ever (or very, very rarely) can I remember the reference (book, chapter, verse). Let's just say that Bible Gateway is my hero.
This is not the case for Isaiah 6:8. Back in November of 2007, we were still getting settled into our new house. I had felt the stir for more children for a few months, but I was NOT all about getting pregnant again. Puke was not appealing to me, especially with 3 kids 3 and under. One night, Luke turns to me and says,
"You still think about doing foster care?"
I looked at him in disbelief. We had discussed this almost a year earlier, but when Luke quickly nixed it, I all but forgot about it. Where was this coming from?
The next day I called our county's Department of Social Services and asked for some information on foster parenting. Then, I dove into my Bible. You see, I have this major, major flaw. I usually ONLY stay consistent in the word when I'm having a crisis of belief in my life. In January 2007 I grew and grew and grew spiritually because I wanted desperately to sell our old house, but I knew it needed to be God (and Luke) led. Now, here I was faced with another crisis, the decision to foster.
As I dove through the word, soaking up everything the Lord was showing me, I began to feel that familiar pull. Missions.
At the same time we were becoming closer with some friends. Our bond with them grew as did their call to missions. Just as we began to form a serious kinship, they pulled us into the basement of our home one night and revealed to us their calling to missions, specifically Kenya. Chris outlined every reason why they felt led to go and I wept, knowing that good friends were moving so far away and also for the tremendous display of obedience I knew I was about to witness.
That night solidified for Luke and I our calling to foster. We knew, without hesitation, that God used them to teach us about obedience. We proceeded with fostering, certain that our obedience to God would be blessed.
Sometime during our initial decision making about whether or not to foster, I felt drawn to the book of Isaiah. Never, ever had I read Isaiah (other than as a cross reference). Desperate to find 3 types of confirmation (Godly Counsel, Scripture and Prayer), I began to look at scripture with fresh eyes.
One night I felt the Lord saying, "Go. Start with Chapter 1 and read until you see it." So, I did. I began in Isaiah Chapter 1 read and read and read, not really understanding much, but desiring to find that one piece of scripture that made it all make sense. Suddenly, I started to feel pulled. Only it was a duel tract, with one branch taking us to fostering and the other to the mission field.
Then, I saw it. Isaiah 6:8,
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
I sat back in the bed and wept. I knew that we were being called to foster. Who else would go? However, something about this also SCREAMED missions. Foreign missions. The thought of going onto the mission field scared the bejebbers out of me, so I pushed it out of my mind and applied this verse solely to fostering. I knew in the back of my mind this was not the point God was making. But, you see, I'm one track minded like that. Why would He pull us two ways?
Surely missions was Chris and Lindy's area. Here I am Lord. I'll foster. But send Chris and Lindy.
Only a few days later, as we entered church on Sunday, God decided to get up in my business in a big way. We were running late, as usual, and as we walked into the back of the Multi-Purpose Building, where our church has our service, the lights were low and there were people lining the stage.
A spot light was on a single woman, and as the door behind me clicked shut I heard her say,
"God, I know you want me to go on that mission trip but that's not really my thing. And I'm scared. My sister Jane loves missions. You should send her. Here I am Lord. Send my sister."
The spotlight illuminated another person, a teenager I think, and he said,
"God, I know you want me to befriend that kid in my class. But he's weird God and no one really likes him. Plus, I have friends already. My friend Tim is really good at reaching out to people God. He should do it. Here I am Lord. Send Tim."
Person after person stood and gave an example of the Lord working on their heart. Whether it was to minister to a friend, go on a mission trip, be bold in their workplace or move in some area that they felt God calling. Then, at the end, they would close by saying,
"Here I am Lord. Send 'So-and-so'."
As I stood there, behind the crowd of people in the dark, tears rushed to my eyes and flooded my cheeks. I held back sobs and I felt conviction like never before. You see, this was EXACTLY what I had felt only days earlier. As I felt the pull to missions, I pushed it from my mind and said,
"Lord, Chris and Lindy are going. Send them."
I don't want you to think that I felt any less called to begin fostering because such is not the case. I know, without hesitation, that the Lord called Luke and I to fostering without wavering. However, He also began to stir in me another calling. A calling to a new place, when our first mission was complete. A mission that I am still trying to understand and one that He has been pointing to for years.
To use an excellent example from a friend, I have been Moses. A bush has been burning for quite some time, yet I have failed to see it or allow it to have my full attention. Well, my attention is here. I am seeing so clearly that these stories and stirrings in my heart are not random or misaligned. I'm scared. I'm anxious. I'm fearful. However, I know that when my Savior calls, I must obey. A life without obedience is a life not worth living. So it is with this fear, anxiety and fright that I boldly say,
"Here I am Lord. Send me."