Read these first:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
I have never been good at hiding my emotions, especially when I'm angry. This time was no exception. Luke walked in the door, I didn't even get off the couch. Since my back was to the door, he couldn't see the tears streaming down my face.
Cheerfully, he walked over and plopped on the couch beside me, only then realizing that all was not well.
"What's wrong?" he asked me.
How could he ask me that!?! Every time he had been in contact with her, somehow I knew it. I would get this gut feeling and just know. I have had that feeling with nothing else in my life, and I could not explain HOW I knew, I just knew.
This time, I had not felt that. This time, it had taken me by surprise. It felt like someone had hit me in stomach with a baseball bat. All I could do was sit there, and stare at my feet.
Again, he asked me, "What's wrong?"
I finally looked at him, giving him a look that said 1,000 things, none of them were nice.
"She called didn't she?" he half asked, half stated.
I said nothing. I couldn't even look at him. Had he been deceiving me this whole time? Had I fallen for it because I was distracted by our new engagement?
"I promise you I haven't spoken to her," he said.
I stared at my engagement ring, wondering if I should dramatically throw it at him, like I had seen in the movies. All I wanted from him was a sacrifice. I wanted him to sacrifice that relationship for ours.
Luke continued to talk, but I don't remember a lot of what he said. Finally, he got up and walked into his roommates room, where they kept the answering machine. I hear him delete all the messages without listening to them.
I wish I could say that I remember every detail of that night and how we made things better, but I can't. Somehow, only bits and pieces of our story come back to me. Most times, I can remember specific details and other times I can't remember anything. I think my mind blocked out so many hurtful times, so that I could later focus on the good stuff.
I know that I ended up staying that weekend, and we did resolve things. He convinced me that he had, in fact, NOT called her and that she continued to call him even though he was not calling her back.
As my graduation date quickly approached, Luke continued to struggle with his job as a financial adviser. I had told him that when I graduated, I desired to move to North Carolina so that I could be closer to my mom.
Within a matter of weeks, my step-dad had arranged for Luke to be a furniture representative for his furniture manufacturing company. That meant that Luke would need to go ahead and move to North Carolina before the Home Furnishings Market in April.
I was thrilled. This meant, Luke would have a job AND he was leaving Memphis, away from her, away from our past. In April 2002 Luke loaded all of his possessions into his Honda Accord and drove the 700+ miles to North Carolina.
That next month, I graduated from Lyon College, ready to start my life as a wife and teacher. I moved to North Carolina the week after I graduated and we both lived with my parents while searching for a home. Life was good. The past was miles and miles away, he had chosen me. I had won.
One summer afternoon, while looking for teaching jobs on the internet, I decided to check Luke's email. I did this often, unbeknownst to him, because something in me still did not trust. As I opened his inbox, my heart sank once more. There was an email from her.
My hands began to shake and my heart began to pound as I opened it. I can't remember exactly what it said, but she eluded to the fact that they had seen each other just before he left, at a baseball game.
I called Luke into the tiny computer room at my parents' house. I sat back and pointed to the computer.
"What is she talking about?" I asked, angry.
He read the email, then read it again. He told me that he had decided to go to a final (minor league) baseball game before he left. He just so happened to run into her.
I didn't buy it. After much questioning, he confessed that it was a planned meeting. I was finished. I was finished with the lies, finished with the pain.
I can still remember the sound my engagement ring made as it clinked on the glass table top. I took it off and told him,
"As of today, you must choose. You can either have a relationship with her OR you can be married to me. You can't have both. The choice is yours."
I told him is options were to either call off our wedding or to sit, with me there, and write her an email telling her to NEVER contact him again. To tell her that it was because of our marriage that he could not continue a relationship with her.
He sent the email, and with a guarded heart I put my ring back on my finger. From that day on, she has not been an issue in our relationship. However, things were not peaceful.
You see, all my life I had wanted to be rescued. I wanted the dramatic love story (yes, I know our has been quite dramatic) where the guy rescues the girl. I wanted that so much more than I ever knew. I pushed those thoughts out of my mind and looked forward to my dream wedding.
On December 28, 2002 I became a wife. It was a remarkable day, one that I will never forget. But, this is not where our story ends. This is not where it becomes happily ever after. We had a good marriage, but something was missing. I still wanted to be rescued, I still wanted to be won. I had no idea that I would find that redemption through even more heartache.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
I have never been good at hiding my emotions, especially when I'm angry. This time was no exception. Luke walked in the door, I didn't even get off the couch. Since my back was to the door, he couldn't see the tears streaming down my face.
Cheerfully, he walked over and plopped on the couch beside me, only then realizing that all was not well.
"What's wrong?" he asked me.
How could he ask me that!?! Every time he had been in contact with her, somehow I knew it. I would get this gut feeling and just know. I have had that feeling with nothing else in my life, and I could not explain HOW I knew, I just knew.
This time, I had not felt that. This time, it had taken me by surprise. It felt like someone had hit me in stomach with a baseball bat. All I could do was sit there, and stare at my feet.
Again, he asked me, "What's wrong?"
I finally looked at him, giving him a look that said 1,000 things, none of them were nice.
"She called didn't she?" he half asked, half stated.
I said nothing. I couldn't even look at him. Had he been deceiving me this whole time? Had I fallen for it because I was distracted by our new engagement?
"I promise you I haven't spoken to her," he said.
I stared at my engagement ring, wondering if I should dramatically throw it at him, like I had seen in the movies. All I wanted from him was a sacrifice. I wanted him to sacrifice that relationship for ours.
Luke continued to talk, but I don't remember a lot of what he said. Finally, he got up and walked into his roommates room, where they kept the answering machine. I hear him delete all the messages without listening to them.
I wish I could say that I remember every detail of that night and how we made things better, but I can't. Somehow, only bits and pieces of our story come back to me. Most times, I can remember specific details and other times I can't remember anything. I think my mind blocked out so many hurtful times, so that I could later focus on the good stuff.
I know that I ended up staying that weekend, and we did resolve things. He convinced me that he had, in fact, NOT called her and that she continued to call him even though he was not calling her back.
As my graduation date quickly approached, Luke continued to struggle with his job as a financial adviser. I had told him that when I graduated, I desired to move to North Carolina so that I could be closer to my mom.
Within a matter of weeks, my step-dad had arranged for Luke to be a furniture representative for his furniture manufacturing company. That meant that Luke would need to go ahead and move to North Carolina before the Home Furnishings Market in April.
I was thrilled. This meant, Luke would have a job AND he was leaving Memphis, away from her, away from our past. In April 2002 Luke loaded all of his possessions into his Honda Accord and drove the 700+ miles to North Carolina.
That next month, I graduated from Lyon College, ready to start my life as a wife and teacher. I moved to North Carolina the week after I graduated and we both lived with my parents while searching for a home. Life was good. The past was miles and miles away, he had chosen me. I had won.
One summer afternoon, while looking for teaching jobs on the internet, I decided to check Luke's email. I did this often, unbeknownst to him, because something in me still did not trust. As I opened his inbox, my heart sank once more. There was an email from her.
My hands began to shake and my heart began to pound as I opened it. I can't remember exactly what it said, but she eluded to the fact that they had seen each other just before he left, at a baseball game.
I called Luke into the tiny computer room at my parents' house. I sat back and pointed to the computer.
"What is she talking about?" I asked, angry.
He read the email, then read it again. He told me that he had decided to go to a final (minor league) baseball game before he left. He just so happened to run into her.
I didn't buy it. After much questioning, he confessed that it was a planned meeting. I was finished. I was finished with the lies, finished with the pain.
I can still remember the sound my engagement ring made as it clinked on the glass table top. I took it off and told him,
"As of today, you must choose. You can either have a relationship with her OR you can be married to me. You can't have both. The choice is yours."
I told him is options were to either call off our wedding or to sit, with me there, and write her an email telling her to NEVER contact him again. To tell her that it was because of our marriage that he could not continue a relationship with her.
He sent the email, and with a guarded heart I put my ring back on my finger. From that day on, she has not been an issue in our relationship. However, things were not peaceful.
You see, all my life I had wanted to be rescued. I wanted the dramatic love story (yes, I know our has been quite dramatic) where the guy rescues the girl. I wanted that so much more than I ever knew. I pushed those thoughts out of my mind and looked forward to my dream wedding.
On December 28, 2002 I became a wife. It was a remarkable day, one that I will never forget. But, this is not where our story ends. This is not where it becomes happily ever after. We had a good marriage, but something was missing. I still wanted to be rescued, I still wanted to be won. I had no idea that I would find that redemption through even more heartache.